We,
the sensible people of the
United States, in an attempt to help everyone get
along,
restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more
riots,
keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and
secure
the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our
great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more
time
to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines
for
the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and
other
liberal, bedwetters. We hold these truths to be
self-evident: That whole lots of people were confused
by
the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a
Bill
of No Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right
to a
new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth.
More
power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no
one is
guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be
offended.
This country is based on freedom, and that means
freedom
for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room,
turn
the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the
world is full of idiots, and probably always will
be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from
harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to
be
more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to
make
you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and
housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be
found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are
quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after
generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve
nothing more than the creation of another generation of
professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health
care.
That would be nice, but from the looks of public
housing,
we're just not interested in health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically
harm
other people. If
you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone,
don't
be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in
the
electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the
right
to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or
coerce
away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be
surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you
away
in a place where you still won't have the right to a
big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE
VIII:
You don't have the right to demand that our children
risk
their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching
conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't
lift a
finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like.
However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and
do
not want to spend so much of our time battling each and
every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny
hat.
ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job.
All
of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly
help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take
advantage of the opportunities of education and
vocational
training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness.
Being an
American means that you have the right to pursue
happiness
- which by the way, is a lot easier if you are
unencumbered
by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of
you
who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
Copyright ©1999
Rep. Mitchell Kaye (R)
Ga. House, District 37
Cobb County, Georgia
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